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Monday, 12 June 2017

Two Years - Recap

I’ve been absent from the blogging world for a long time, and I would like to apologize for it. The past two years have been stranger than usual. Sudden and unexpected changes in my life made me want to hide, and it had a great impact on my will to write. Now, as I feel I might be strong enough to return to blogging along with being an author, I’d like to begin by offering an explanation as to what happened.

On On March 23rd 2015, my husband told me he wanted to end our relationship. I was given an ultimatum to move out.

I never saw this coming. In my opinion, we were fine. A bit distant, yes, but that’s cool for two introverts.

As it turned out, said husband had rediscovered an old friend more than six months earlier, fallen in love, and entered a relationship with her. For some reason, this little fact was never introduced to me during the process of getting divorced.

At first, I planned to remain in the little city near where we lived. All of my friends were there, and it seemed like a safe choice. Luckily, my uncle, in his soft and steady voice, told me a story of a couple who got divorced late in life, moved to whole new cities, and made new lives for themselves, finding true happiness in the process. That got me thinking, and I made a very hasty decision to move to Tampere.

It took me 35 minutes to make the decision, two weeks to find a flat, and another two weeks to make my way there. The process involved me packing up my entire life (I ended up throwing out most of my stuff simply because I didn’t have room for it), dragging most of my belongings to my sister’s house quite far north simply because my deadline to get going was soon approaching and I didn’t realize finding a place to live would happen so fast, and then dragging said belongings all the way to my new place two weeks later.

Starting a new life wasn’t as easy as I imagined. I’m not used to fending for myself all alone. I knew people in the big city, of course, but I didn’t have any close friends until I got closer to a girl I knew from an online community. We quickly became BFFs, as hey-we’re-sixteen as it may sound. And thanks to her, I’m now feeling strong enough to write again.

She happened to introduce me to someone. For me, making new friends takes forever. I’m quiet and reserved, especially around people I think I might actually like. This one proved no exception to that rule, only he seemed to understand it. He allowed me time to come out of my shell, decided he liked me, and, after a while, rescued me from the tower I lived in.

I’ve named him Charming due to that fact, and we’ve lived together almost eight months now.

I’ve spent most of that time writing about dresses, playing video games, and healing. I know one should try to mend oneself before getting into a new relationship, but… well, it isn’t always that easy.

I haven’t taken the time to heal a broken heart. My ex didn’t manage to break it because love died long before we parted. I’ve needed time to acquaint myself to normal life again, to being happy.

I lived in a really bad relationship for more than eight years. For the best part of it, I was trapped in the countryside alone. I don’t know if you realize what that’s like, but for me it felt like a nightmare.

I started to wake from it as I moved out, but it’s taken a long time to become fully aware. Sometimes, it’s still difficult to remember that the grocery store is just around the corner, there are no monsters hanging in the corners, and I don’t need to spend my days in fear.

Fear is a powerful, crippling thing. If you let it, it will consume everything in your world. I’m only just now realizing I have nothing to be afraid of now.

I know I’ve been away for a long time, and I know I’ve let my readers and followers down. It may not be possible to return to being an author, but I will try. After all, stories are made to be told, and readers will always be there.

Until next time. I promise it won’t be, like, two years.

Heather

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