Thursday, 10 August 2017

Once Upon a Time

The greatest stories begin the same way.
Once upon a time.
In a place far from here.

Once upon a time.

Once upon a time someone started a broadcasting company.
It was called QBC.

Once upon a time, a little later, QBC stumbled upon an idea that would make them a shitload of money.
Naturally, they’d first have to spend a shitload of money.

Once upon a time, a lot earlier, the person who founded QBC had made a shitload of money, so that posed no problem.
The financial state of QBC was well in order to make this crazy idea both come true and work.

So once upon a time, QBC decided it would be a really, really good idea to push out a brand new kind of game show for national television. The concept was was called “when Saw meets BigBrother”, and it gained the interest of investors all around the US.

But once upon a time, around the same time the idea was first tossed into the air, QBC realized a need for a host.
A perfect game show host.
He shouldn’t be too young or too old.
He shouldn’t be too perfect.
And most important of all, he should not be fashionable.

Once upon a time, QBC created Jeremy. He would not be the last Jeremy, but he was the first.
This Jeremy, as all those who would come after him, was tall and middle-aged, white of hair and of perfect smile, and he donned a red sequent jacket that was tailored to conceal the extra bit of weight he carried around his midsection but which he always wore open so not to appear too perfect.
This Jeremy had a sparkle in his eyes that matched the sparkle of his coat, and a smile that put them both to shame.

Once upon a time, QBC put Jeremy, the very first Jeremy, in charge of running a game show they named The Mousetrap.

And oh boy, did it turn out messy.

If you’d like to know just how messy it got, once upon a time I wrote a book about it.

Heather Wielding

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